Pat Guest - Mixed company

Running time
2 in 16 sec
Department of Veterans' Affairs


We marched out of the unit. He called us in and he said, I've never forgotten his words. I'm 95 now and I can still remember. "You are the cream of Australian womanhood. You are the future mothers of Australia. Your health cannot be jeopardized by the roads in New Guinea."

He wouldn't let us go and so I was put into a pool of drivers. The first job I was only ... I hadn't been in the army ... By that time I'd only been in the army three months. The first job the male driver of a male unit where they did repairs to fences and huts and things like that. He'd broken his legs quite badly and they needed a temporary driver until they found another male driver, so they sent me out. They'd never had a female driver.

In between jobs they used to play cards, play poker or anything else and I didn't know what to do, so I just disappeared into the furthest corner of the hut. Got a book and just lay there and then they got a bit excited. They were playing poker and they got a little bit excited and one fella slammed his cards down. I heard him say, "Three Johnnies." Then the other fella threw his cards down and he said, "Six Tits." Then all of a sudden there was dead silence. They suddenly realized that I was sitting in the room. I didn't know what to do, so I just let out a gentle snort to let them know I was sound asleep and didn't hear them. That was the first thing.

Then the next thing they go out on a job. I said, "How long are you going to be?" They said, "Two hours." I said, "What do I do?" "Oh, do what you like." I said, "What?" I thought, "Well I'll just park in a nice shady spot and I'll have a little snooze. I had my cap on, I just pulled it down over my eyes and stuck my boots out the window. I heard steps coming along and then somebody tapped me on the boot. "Excuse me, driver. Where's the shit house." I pushed my cap, I said, "I beg your pardon?" "Oh Christ," he said, "A Sheila." He took off.

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